Thursday, April 13, 2006

Kohls Has Racist Mannequins

I'm not usually one to judge retail giants. But Kohl's...shame on you.

I was perusing through a Kohl's department store near my house recently when I noticed something odd about the mannequins in the children's clothing department. Mind you, Kohl's is just one big open room, not multi-level. So you can pretty much see every section from the main walkway. I look up and notice a young white male mannequin in the most stereotypical pose. I'm not sure if he's supposed to be surfing, skateboarding, or on ecstacy, but it's one of the "whitest" outfits on a blonde haired, blue eyed boy. And the pose made me think, "That's what Kohl's thinks that a kid wearing this outfit would do." Here's what I'm talking about:

Still don't see it? Ok, here's another example. I look down the wall and notice a young African-American, or black, male mannequin. Completely different outfit...completely different pose. I'm not sure if he's shooting dice or ducking down to watch for the cops, but it just looks like he's up to no good. SHAME ON YOU KOHL'S! Here he is:

The last one was the most disturbing. Maybe i don't get out much, but I've never seen a retarded mannequin...until that day at Kohl's. You might ask, "Josh, how do you know it was retarded?" You tell me:

UNBELIEVABLE!!! Why don't they just put a helmet on him and paint some drool on his chin while they're at it? I couldn't believe it. Look how terrified the kid on the right is. It's like he's saying, "I hope none of my friends see this kid talking to me." And what's with that angelic glow on him? Is Kohl's trying to tell us that retarded kids are going to hell? Lastly, I understand that you have to be politically correct in our country these days, but who's going to buy the outfit on the left for their kid? So the kids at school could say, "This is what a mongoloid would wear. Kohl's says so."

If you couldn't tell, I have a lot of free time.

Hope to see you out there,


Monday, April 10, 2006

Bill Burr and The Guy From "Weekend At Bernie's"

Ok, every once in a while you have a laugh that cleanses your soul. A laugh that makes you feel like you're going to throw up. A laugh that brings tears to your eyes, and gives you the impression you just finished 1,000 crunches. Last Sunday, I shared one of those laughs with comedian Bill Burr. If you don't know who he is, get out from under your rock, do a search for him on MySpace or just look in my Top 8. In the few days I worked with him, he's already become one of my favorite comics.

So Bill and I are having lunch at The Cheesecake Factory in Tampa. Just a couple of gentlemen, enjoying some delicious unhealthy food, watching a little golf on a Sunday afternoon. A blind guy and two of his friends sit at the hightop table next to ours, and Bill jokes, "There's the guy from 'Weekend at Bernie's'." We both get a chuckle. It really did look like the guy.

I then tell Bill of my idea for my website to take pictures with people who look like celebrities, but obviously aren't them. He thinks it's a great idea and offers to somehow take the picture of Bernie and I. So we have to devise a plan where I somehow get into the picture but no one knows it's being taken.

We decide the best method is for Bill to walk to the end of the bar and stroll behind the two friends of Bernie's that still have their sight, while I stretch or something to move into frame. He would take the picture in passing since the blind guy would obviously not be able to see Bill right in front of him. The plan alone had us trying not to laugh.

All of the actors were in place and Bill makes his move, but right as he gets in to take the picture, Bernie leans forward to take a bite of his food and is now blocked from view. ABORT! ABORT! Bill sees it too and returns to his starting position. He makes the second pass and I pretend to drop my napkin then perform the most horribly acted, over-the-top stretch I could muster. Above all of the chatter in the restaurant you could definately hear the click of the camera phone as Bill walked by.

We both sit back down at the table and with no emotion on his face he slides the phone to me for my viewing pleasure. The photo I looked at is below.

The second I saw this picture, I let out the most obnoxious laugh you've ever heard. There was no way I could contain myself. Bill, trying not to laugh, lost it as well. Five good minutes of laughters that had both of our eyes welled up and stomachs aching. When one of us would gain our composure, the other one would lose it again. While I definately think to appreciate the situation and what we went through to take this picture you "had to be there", it was just a story that I thought was worth sharing.

Hope to see you out there,